


The Bursting of a Star

by i_write_shakespeare_not_disney



Series: 25 Days of Heartache [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Break Up, Heartache, Heartbreak, M/M, klance, more tags to come later i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 03:53:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17675945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_write_shakespeare_not_disney/pseuds/i_write_shakespeare_not_disney
Summary: Relationships don't always end well, and moving on isn't always easy. But every heartache is a chance for growth.





	The Bursting of a Star

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really like February because of Valentine's day, and since my url should speak for my love of angst, I 've decided to write one angsty drabble a day for the rest of February! From break ups to missed chances and other heartbreaking themes, if you're a masochist like me, you'll enjoy this little series.

It didn’t make sense. None of it made sense. That was saying a lot considering how much shit they’d all gone through, and yet Lance stood firmly by it.

When Keith returned from the Blade, he was different. Not a different person, just… changed. Enhanced. He was more mature, a little more level-headed. He was stubborn as hell, of course- Lance didn’t think anything could ever change that about Keith. He still had his temper, but he was more in control of it. 

There was more than that, though. He was different for Lance. In his eyes. Maybe it was that stupid saying about distance making the heart grow fonder, or maybe just the amount of times they’d faced death. The fact that if it hadn’t been for Allura, he might have never even seen Keith again. Dying really put things in perspective. Showed you what was important, what wasn’t. 

Like the way it wasn’t important that Keith had been better in classes at the Garrison, or that they’d spent the better half of their time bickering over stupid things like who got to eat the last helping of food goo or who could finish a scouting mission quicker, or that they had a juvenile rivalry with no actual basis. How important it was for Lance to feel like he could trust Keith, for Keith to have taken him seriously and encouraged him and  _ depended  _ on him. How important it was that Lance missed Keith, no matter how much he tried to hide it. 

Naturally, when Keith came back, Lance was highly aware of what he felt. Of how much he felt. It was a comfort to know Keith would still tease him now and then, that they could still challenge each other over stupid things but come around to encouraging each other more than anything. 

But after the game show…. Lance had to talk to Keith. They’d chosen each other. Lance chose Keith and  _ Keith chose him.  _ Keith chose to save him. Not even Hunk and Pidge had mutually chosen each other. That had to mean something. It had to say something about how they saw each other, and maybe Keith didn’t feel what Lance felt, but it was  _ something.  _

Somehow, the universe had decided to be on his side for once. Lance could still remember the day they talked. They weren’t on Earth yet, and it was definitely not a time to talk about romance with everything happening and the world nearly ending- but that was exactly why Lance decided to do it. If the world was going to end, if Allura wasn’t there to bring them back to life again, he wouldn’t forgive himself for never telling Keith the truth. Especially after what he’d said when they were floating out in space on the verge of insanity. 

He could relive that perfectly. He did it often. 

He’d sent Keith a video call, asking if they could talk. The others were asleep, and honestly, they needed sleep too, but Lance felt like he was going to burst. Within a few minutes, Keith had asked Shiro to take over Black while Kosmo teleported him into Red. 

He’d looked so worried with that near permanent furrow of his eyebrows. “Everything okay?”

“Can we… talk about some stuff?” Keith nodded and leaned against Kosmo, absently stroking his fur as he gave Lance the space to talk. “What I said when we were out there… about you running away and-”

“Hey. I know you didn’t…. We were all really messed up out there. I’m not angry with you.” 

Lance took a breath and pulled his legs up on the pilot seat. “Just let me try to get this out, okay?” Keith huffed and nodded. “I know you didn’t run away. And when I said you should’ve stayed away… I didn’t mean it, but… I also did?” Keith’s eyes widened, and Lance rushed to explain himself. “I just mean, I was- maybe still am- angry with you for leaving. I said it out of spite, so no, I don’t want you to go again, but I was… hurt by you leaving.” The petting stopped. Kosmo blinked owlishly at them and bent his knees to settle on the floor. Keith’s expression softened. “I thought we were getting somewhere. And then you just decided to leave.” 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Keith said softly. “I wanted to help. You wanted to step down, I wanted to find my mom, it made sense that I join the Blade. You wouldn’t feel left out, and I could still be useful. But I never meant to….” 

“I know.” It was quiet for a while. Lance felt nervous, but he had him here, he had to say it. It wouldn’t be long before they reached Earth and they didn’t know what would happen when they did. “I guess I’m a little glad you did it though. Because it made me realize that….” He let out a long breath, hoping to get a grip on himself. “Why did you choose me?” 

“What?” 

Lance looked at him. “In the game show. You chose me. And I know it wasn’t just because you didn’t want to end up stuck in that place with me for eternity.” 

Keith turned red and started pacing slowly. It took him a long time to speak. Each passing second left Lance more and more anxious, more and more unsure. Then he said, “I didn’t even have to think about it.” Lance kept his eyes on him. He’d been standing still by then, his eyes flitting around, but always coming to rest on Lance. “Yeah, Allura’s the princess, and Pidge is probably smarter than all of us put together, and Hunk is the nicest, probably the best person to bring people together, but…. Lance, I don’t think you realize how….” His face turned redder. “You don’t realize how amazing you are. 

“Yeah, you can be a goofball sometimes, but sometimes that’s what we need. We need a laugh, we need relief, we need a moment of normalcy. And when it comes down to it, you’ve worked harder than any of us to get better at practically anything. Diplomacy, combat, training, helping, flying, leading.” Keith shook his head and chuckled. “You’re a balance of all of us, you know? Hunk’s charisma, Pidge’s intelligence, my determination, Shiro’s leadership. But you’re better because.... Because you’re you! Because you care so much and you listen and you help and have a big heart and you think things through and you’re funny and….” He took a deep breath and stepped closer to Lance, arms crossed stubbornly. “I chose you because aside from Shiro, you’re the best person I know. Because I knew you wanted to see your family again. Because I truly thought you’d have the best shot out of all of us.” He kicked at the ground and shrugged. “And honestly…. Eternity without ever seeing you again would have sucked.” 

The words had left Lance frozen. His heart had been pounding obnoxiously, his mind unable to fathom everything Keith was saying. It didn’t make sense to him. He thought he was preparing to accept an unrequited affection, not… this. His heart took control of his body as his mind short circuited. Because while his mind had no idea what to do or think, his heart was very set on reacting. 

And that reaction was a kiss. 

He’d crashed against Keith so suddenly, so quickly, so harshly that Keith stumbled and Kosmo got up from where he’d been laying down, ready to defend Keith. 

Lance hadn’t actually caught up to his own actions until Keith was holding him back by the shoulders, staring at him in shock with cheeks a bright, crimson red. 

“What are you doing?” he’d asked. 

Lance shrugged, his body shaking with the adrenaline, the intensity of emotions, the need. “I nearly lost my chance once, I don’t want to do it again.” 

Keith stared at him with wide eyes that looked more afraid than shocked by then. “I… I don’t know how to kiss someone.” 

The response was so… vulnerable, it had made Lance laugh away the tears threatening behind his eyes. “Oh quiznak, Keith, just shut up.” 

And he had. And he did not know how to kiss someone. But Lance was fine with that, because Keith was kissing him. With every awkward little bump of their teeth and the way Keith wouldn’t open his mouth much with every hesitant placement of hands, it was their kiss. 

“Hey,” Lance whispered, his hands splayed along the side of Keith’s neck, his thumbs reaching his cheeks. “Relax. Let me try something.” Keith shut his eyes and waited, and Lance kissed him again, this time working his mouth open gently, licking his lips softly before he tested if Keith would let him slip into his mouth. But when his tongue dipped past Keith’s lips, he grunted and moved back. “Okay, okay, not yet,” Lance said with a chuckle. “Don’t think about it too much. Just do what I did.” 

It had never been stated. They never actually clarified what it meant for them. It felt like it spoke for itself. That whole night spoke for itself. With shared kisses that slowly became more comfortable, more intense. The way they sat together on the floor near Kosmo, touching, always touching wherever they could. Their hands playing with each other’s, a hand on his knee, touch on the cheek. The way they kept coming back for more kisses between murmured apologies and reassurances and new confessions. 

It was new for them both. Each kiss and each whisper was a little more of Lance letting himself be honest. Each kiss and each whisper was Keith being a little more vulnerable. Vulnerable to Lance. 

There was a clear image in Lance’s head of the way Keith slowly became used to the kisses, the way he hummed when Lance licked into his mouth, the way he managed to mirror each movement himself, and managed to leave Lance’s lips swollen and sore in the best possible way. Lance still thought of the way he’d slowly managed to kiss along his jawline, down to his neck, licking and sucking the skin until it bruised under the graze of his teeth, splotched like a bursting star. The way Keith gasped and his breaths came faster the rougher Lance was on the sensitive skin, the ways his hands gripped onto his shoulders and tugged him closer. 

It was no secret to the others either. Two paladins didn’t just wake up with hickeys and matching dopey grins without it being painfully obvious why. The others hadn’t said anything though. They just exchanged smug smirks after a few surprised raised eyebrows. 

Maybe they should have said something. Maybe they should have said it aloud. Maybe they should have stated it instead of playing a game of brushing hands and hooked pinkies and playful kisses and blushing gazes. 

The problem was Lance. And he knew it. He only took too long to realize it. He liked unspoken. He liked uncertain certainty. He liked the flustered flirting and the lack of an official term. He didn’t think it mattered so much. He didn’t know Keith wanted it. He didn’t know that his preference of not labeling what they had would be a blow to Keith. 

It wasn’t because he didn’t like Keith enough. Or because he wouldn’t have loved to be known as Keith’s boyfriend or for Keith to be known as his. It wasn’t because Keith wasn’t worth it. It was because he was terrified of the label, of the pressure it would put on him. He was fairly sure he’d be a good boyfriend, but the term carried so much weight. Lance thought he would have time to build up to the courage for it. He thought Keith was his.

At first he blamed the war. He blamed the chaos of trying to figure out their places around the Garrison and the battles and the exhaustion. That was why Keith was getting distant. That was why their unnamed thing practically disappeared.

Their friends had noticed, but again hadn’t said anything, figuring it was best to let it settle between them. Keith’s distance lessened, he became amicable again in that way a leader is.

Lance should have seen it coming. He should have noticed it sooner, when he could have done something about it. 

He’d been miserable when he realized how distant Keith had become, how completely turned around their relationship or dynamic had become. Something about the way Keith looked at him made it sink in that whatever they could have had was gone, and Lance was on the verge of falling apart. 

That was when one of the MFE pilots found him, sitting alone, barely holding himself together in an empty conference room. He felt the hand on his shoulder and flinched, then he looked up and saw the one with good hair. James. He looked worried, maybe a little suspicious. 

“Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” Lance muttered. “Just needed to rest my eyes.” James frowned and sat beside him. “Did you need something?” 

“No. I just like to work here.” James set out some folders and cast him a look. “You can pretend I’m not here. Or you can talk to me.” 

Lance huffed and shook his head. This guy was just being nice, he didn’t need Lance’s bad attitude. “No, it’s okay. Thanks though. I’m probably gonna find some food.” James nodded and gave him a meager smile. “Good luck with whatever you’re working on.” 

“Thanks,” he answered with a more genuine smile. 

Lance left the room and started down the hall to sulk in his room, but because the universe was against him again, he ran into Keith. They didn’t talk. Lance didn’t think Keith would’ve even acknowledged him if he hadn’t looked up to see his face. When he did, Keith just gave him an automatic smile and kept walking. 

Lance stared after him, trying to muster the courage to talk, to say something, to make their encounters more than insincere smiles. 

Then Keith turned the hallway. Toward the conference room. It spiked Lance’s curiosity, but he couldn’t bring himself to follow. He wasn’t sure how he’d explain himself, or what he would do if he found something he didn’t want to find. 

He began trying to figure out ways to ask if anyone had seen Keith with James. He knew there was some beef with them from their earlier years in the Garrison, and he knew they’d had to work together often during their Earth battles. But he’d never seen them actually together. Of course, they could well have been meeting for business, and not whatever Lance’s mind was trying to conjure up. The one time he did ask Shiro, Shiro only told him he didn’t think anything was going on, but even if it was Lance didn’t have a right to demand to know. It shouldn’t have stung as much as it did, especially with the gentle way Shiro managed to say it. But it did. 

Lance’s brain began to fuck with him after that. Every time Keith and James were in the same room, Lance was hyper aware of any interaction. He noticed each time one pulled the other aside to say something after a meeting or each time they seemed to be eating lunch together, even with some kind of documents between them. Lance wanted to resort to hating James, even without a solid foundation on which to claim the feeling. 

But he couldn’t. Because each time James saw him, he was smiling and offering to help him, asking him if how he was feeling, asking if he was holding up, or even asking about his family after they reunited. James was  _ nice.  _ And that didn’t make any sense. If he  _ was  _ with Keith, then he should have hated Lance. He should have wanted to stay away from him, or given him stink eyes, or literally anything except what he was doing. 

That’s what gave Lance the hope that maybe nothing was even going on. That maybe it was really all in his head, and maybe it was time that he got his shit together and fixed what he ruined. If Keith was willing to give him a second chance, he’d do it right. He’d take him on dates, he’d introduce him to his family, he’d ask him to be his boyfriend, and he’d say everything that needed to be said. He wouldn’t fuck it up again. 

It’d been four months since they returned to Earth, and about two since Keith began to keep his distance. Two months since they’d… broken up without having been together. Lance couldn’t keep things going the way they were. Even if they just went back to their normal bickering, he would take it over this awkward arrangement of half smiles when they ran into each other and two worded answers when they had to speak to each other. 

During their next meeting, Lance tore off a sheet of his overview and wrote,  _ can we talk after the meeting?  _ He slid the torn piece toward Keith who was sitting beside him, and nudged his leg to get his attention. Keith looked over and saw the paper, then slid it closer to himself. He turned it over and scribbled a response:  _ ok  _

The meeting seemed to last an eternity after that. Lance couldn’t even focus. His stomach twisted more with each passing minute, and he just kept repeating what he wanted to say to Keith in his head. 

_ I messed up. I know I did, and I’m sorry. We should have talked about it, I should have taken you more seriously. I shouldn’t have been so scared. But I want to try again. I want to do it right. Just give me one more chance.  _

Then suddenly, everyone was getting up and gathering their things to head over to the cafeteria for food or to the workout room or to their beds. Except Keith. They waited for everyone to file out and Keith turned to Lance, that same concern from the night they met in Red in his eyes. 

“Is everything okay?” he asked. 

Lance felt a knot in his throat. He hadn’t let himself cry about any of it. “No,” he admitted. Keith leaned forward, concerned and unsure. “Keith, what…? We’re….” He sighed and put his head in his hands. “Keith, I…. The idea of dating someone… I know I talked a big game all the time, but that official label scared me. And when you brought it up…. Look, I don’t know where you’re at anymore. I know you were angry with me, and now things are okay but they’re not. I don’t know if you’ve maybe moved on or if…. I just feel like…. I know,  _ I know,  _ I could have done things better. Handled things better.” 

“Hey, come on. It’s okay. We’re in the middle of a war, I get if that wasn’t exactly a priority.” Keith pulled Lance’s hands away, unshielding his face. “You don’t need to apologize. Personally, I’ve moved on-” 

Keith continued saying something, but Lance didn’t hear it. He was busy echoing those words. Busy trying not to let them break him.  _ I’ve moved on. I’ve moved on. He moved on.  _

“Lance? What are you thinking?” 

Lance stared at the table, forcing himself to stay composed. “I’m thinking,” he said in a voice that wasn’t even loud enough to be a whisper. “That I’m an idiot.” He scoffed, swearing he was about to laugh, but he could feel three hot tears sliding down his face against his will. He wanted to say more, but it was like those three tears had managed to trigger the flood. 

Suddenly the tears were streaming down his face silently. His face felt hot. He felt like he couldn’t even breathe because if he did, he would make a sound and then he’d be sobbing. It was bad enough he was crying in front of Keith, he didn’t want to lose his dignity too. He couldn’t form the rest of the words he’d meant to say. They were all pointless now. 

“Lance, don’t… don’t cry. You’re not an idiot.” Keith seemed hesitant about what to do, his hands moving to touch Lance’s, then retreating, his body tilting forward like he wanted to offer a hug, but he was unsure if it would help. And that made it hurt more. “I fucked up too, Lance. I should’ve talked to you more, explained what I was thinking. Maybe we should’ve waited until things were a little calmer down here instead of rushing into something we never even named. But hey.” Lance lifted his blurry, tear-filled gaze toward him. “Now you’ll know what to do when you fall for someone new. And it can be good for you.” 

_ I don’t want anyone else but you.  _

More tears fell, faster, hotter, there was a physical pain in his chest that he wanted to claw out. He still couldn’t speak. 

He had to pull himself together. He had to. He needed to stop crying in front of him, smile, and leave. Then he could fall apart. He wiped at his eyes half-angry, half-desperate. He took a deep breath and nodded. “Guess so. Thanks for talking to me. I should probably get some food.” 

“Of course. No matter what, we’re still teammates, Lance. We’re friends. We’ve gotten through a lot together, and nothing’s gonna change that. We’ve got each other’s backs, right?” 

_ Jesus, please stop talking.  _ He nodded and stood up. “Of course.” 

His body shook as he walked out. He had to think of each step he took until he reached the door to a room that wasn’t even his. He knocked, almost desperately. He was seconds from completely losing it. 

The door opened and Hunk looked at him in confusion that quickly faded to anxious concern. “Lance, what’s wrong? What happened?” 

Lance walked in, not trusting his voice. He waited for Hunk to shut the door before he collapsed into his best friends arms and let out a pained sob against his chest. 

“Lance! Lance, buddy, what is it? What happened?” Hunk asked, hugging him tightly, his voice panicked. 

“He moved on, Hunk. I fucked it all up.” 

“What are you…? Oh, Lance.” Hunk hugged him tighter and led him to the bed. Lance laid down, using Hunk’s legs as a pillow. Hunk waited for the sobs to stop racking Lance’s body before he asked, “You want to tell me what happened? Or do you not wanna talk about it? Should I call Pidge in here too?” 

Lance hesitated before nodding. Hunk told him to wait and left the room, returning a few minutes later with the third member of their trio. She looked concerned and slightly ready to hit someone. 

“Lance? What happened?” She sat beside him, running her fingers through his hair as he leaned against her. 

When Hunk sat on his other side, he sighed and recounted with a hoarse voice the gist of the conversation, adding the lines that tore him up the most, voicing to Hunk and Pidge what he hadn’t voiced to Keith. And then he cried some more as they hugged and comforted him.

“You’re going to be okay, Lance. It’ll take a while, but I promise you will,” Pidge whispered, sounding as broken as Lance felt. 

“I know it hurts, buddy, but we’ve got you. And you’re one of the most resilient people we know,” Hunk added. Lance tried to believe them, but he couldn’t at that moment. Not with the way his heart felt irreparably broken. It might have been stupid to cry over a heartbreak in the middle of the war they were in, but Lance couldn’t help it. He was human, and he’d lost his chance at something that could have been beautiful. 

He couldn’t stop wondering in his head how Keith had moved on so quickly, or if it had been easy for him, was Lance just replaceable, who was it, was Keith kissing him the way Lance taught him to, were they hearing the soft gasps when they kissed his neck, were they making him laugh by kissing that sensitive spot just under his ear, did Keith think of Lance when he kissed him? 

But most of all, he wanted to know when this pain would finally go away. 

 


End file.
